Don’t Talk to Your Partner About Money? You’re Not Alone.

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Don't Talk to Your Partner About Money? You're Not Alone.

“I wish I discussed finances before I got married last time.” Sound familiar?

Did you know past statistics have shown that in the U.S. approximately 50% percent of first marriages, 67% of second, and 73% of third marriages end in divorce? Not surprisingly, a major cause of divorce in marriages is money. 

You’ve found that special someone (again) but, you’re still trying to figure out how you talk about the “M” word without ruining the romance. You know it’s smart to work together, but where do you start? Building a solid foundation of communication and partnership around managing your money is crucial to lifelong intimacy, trust, and success in a marriage.

As both a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst and a Money Coach, I work with many smart, hard-working couples who just don’t talk with each other about money. Maybe you and your new partner are like this too. As life becomes stressful, kids enter the picture, and expenses continue to rise, it becomes harder to talk about money without temperatures rising or carving out more than 5 minutes of sanity time.  And then, someone loses a job, or you decide to divorce.  There’s a mad scramble to find all the documentation, list assets, and figure out what you’re spending.  THERE IS A BETTER WAY.

It Starts with Me and ends with We

  1. Me. We don’t always know how we think about money until we talk to, or observe others. Knowing how you react to, and react with money is the first step in knowing what you can contribute to the team. Even if you don’t spend a lot of time on your finances, two heads are better than one in a relationship when making decisions that can affect your future.

 

  1. We. We all have emotional triggers when it comes to money – denial, security, status, obsession, the list goes on. Learning to respect each other’s money beliefs and avoid minefields is so important.

 

  1. Combining Assets. One of the team may be ashamed about your debt, or may want to keep an inheritance separate. It is so important to have eyes wide open and make decisions knowing the full picture. Surprises are rarely good.

 

  1. The Unspoken. Financial infidelity, using money as power over another – doesn’t go away in a marriage. It starts as an irritation and builds to anxiety. Ignoring it will not help. Confronting it helps the other understand that they’re doing it, because they may not even be aware.

 

  1. The Kids. Oh, the kids. Your kids may be money self-sufficient and good savers. Your new partner may be doling out cash all the time to theirs. The bottom line is that you are funding their children out of your combined assets. Did you agree to do that? Have you discussed needs versus wants and time frames?  Tricky stuff.

5 Workshop Sessions: Committed to Last – Created to Help You Talk About Money

Starting January 10th, you can join Carrie and Ivy Menchel for a 5-session workshop creating the financial foundation for a sustainable marriage. CLICK HERE to LEARN MORE TODAY! Questions? Contact Carrie at carrierattle@behavioralcents.com or (914) 923-6081

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