Tips for Getting Back in the Dating Game
by Brigitte Weil
A year ago, at the height of my career as a food and weight loss coach, I was approached by a company to work for them as a matchmaker for their 40+ clients. It was not completely out of the blue. I was writing for their website on the topic of getting in shape in preparation for getting back on the dating scene and they knew of my track record for coaching women to their fitness goals.
I was flattered, even amused, but was not interested as I had a full clientele of happy, successfully thinning clients that kept me busy. I was not even exactly sure what they saw in me. Here’s how they explained it to me: motivating women to get out and date is not so different that motivating women to lose weight. They really don’t want to do it, they know parts of dating may be unpleasant, but they have a goal in mind, and they just don’t know how to start and could use a cheerleader to guide and inspire.
Hmm. That made sense me, and I was curious, so I agreed to take on 1 client. Long delicious story short, it’s a year later and I just might be addicted. I have a lot of clients. Happy clients who are dating, and with each date, get better, more confident, and closer to their dating and relationship goals. I think I’ve fallen in love with helping women fall in love.
Poof. I’m a matchmaker. It’s a little crazy, but it’s all good. That’s what we get when we are not 20 anymore: we’ve earned the wisdom and the freedom to be anybody we desire, even if it doesn’t fit in a nice, clean box. We can be messy. And we can have and celebrate our many wonderful and different parts.
As we age, we get smarter, more insightful, and more confident about what makes us happy. Our twenties and thirties are the learning years – full of mistakes, questionable choices, and sometimes regret. That’s ok- this is wonderful and useful intel. If we’re open and honest, we’re starting to learn how to make better, more loving choices for ourselves.
Now we get to use all our accumulated experiences from past decades to our advantage, to create the very best happy versions of ourselves, especially in regard to our preferences in mates.
Our history truly becomes our compass to true happiness and meaningful relationships.
My Top 4 Dating Tips.
But dating in our later years is not easy. There is no playbook. Here’s what I’ve learned in the last year and my top 4 tips for getting back on the dating scene:
1. Shift your mindset.
Don’t think of dating as looking for the “One.” Use dating as an opportunity to re-discover yourself, and what is important to you. What mattered at 20 is not what concerns us at 50. It’s normal if you’re not exactly sure of what you like or want. Going out on dates is your telescope into how you want to navigate the future, what is meaningful, and what makes you happy.
2. Go on 10 dates before you declare what your deal breakers are.
Go out with different kinds of people and explore. This is how you’ll become more aware of what you like and dislike. Get out there! Have fun! Consider dating as an opportunity to discover what you truly desire. Just like with anything new, you get better at dating the more you do it. You just need to start.
3. For the dates where romantic sparks don’t fire, don’t call it quits.
Exchange numbers, become friends, become dating accountability partners, use your date as an opportunity to make new friends and create new relationships. My best guy friends today evolved out of yesterday’s less-than-fabulous dates.
4. Be patient. It’s not a race.
The important take-aways are in the journey, not the destination. Embrace and relish this time of exploration and discovery. You may just find happiness and companionship beyond your wildest dreams.
Brigitte Weil is a NYC-based Weight Loss Coach and the founder of The I Hate Celery Sticks Strategy, a life-changing Coaching program that redefines old conventional views of dieting and promotes an approach designed for lasting success without crazy diets, silly gimmicks, or giving up the foods we love. Brigitte is a graduate of The Culinary Institute of America, a Paris-trainer pastry chef, a Certified Personal Fitness Trainer, and remains committed to developing private and group Coaching programs that support her philosophy of combining passion of food and fitness with balance to create the lives we desire.