The holidays probably don’t feel like the most wonderful time of year if you’ve recently lost a loved one. Grief is complicated and unpredictable, and staples of the season that used to bring you joy, such as holiday gatherings and family traditions, can suddenly feel painful and overwhelming.
“All we have to do in grief is the next best step,” said Gina Moffa, LCSW, a trauma-informed grief therapist and author of “Moving On Doesn’t Mean Letting Go: A Modern Guide to Navigating Loss.” “It may feel confused and clumsy. And, in some ways, it’s supposed to be. We’ve been transported to a whole new landscape where we have no map, so navigating life — and the holidays — will take time, patience, endurance and loving support.”
Prioritizing your well-being and giving yourself grace are key to getting through the holiday season without a loved one. Here are Moffa’s tips.
Practice self-compassion
You may have a lot of different emotions that come up — some expected and some by surprise — so, be kind to yourself. You’re not going to be able to rush yourself through grief. When self-critical thoughts arise, practice self-compassion by responding with gentle understanding. Try phrases like “It’s okay to feel this way” and “I’m allowed to grieve in my own time” to help anchor you.
Read: How to Get Through the Holidays When Dealing with Grief >>
Reassess your traditions
Remember that you have the freedom to decide how or if you want to engage with traditions and make space for new ways of celebrating if that feels right for you.Take a moment to consider which holiday traditions feel meaningful to you this year and which ones may be more difficult. It’s OK if certain activities like decorating or attending gatherings feel too heavy. Allow yourself to prioritize the traditions that bring a sense of comfort and let go of the ones that feel overwhelming.
Check in with your body
Grief is a full body experience and it can affect all parts of your body. Check in and follow what your body needs over obligation. For example, is making that casserole going to energize or exhaust you? Will making holiday cards recharge you or drain you? You can feel different from day to day so that’s why checking in with yourself, your emotions and your physical needs is important.
