Young children are often eager to talk to anyone who will listen. It’s a natural instinct, one they want to practice. In fact, parents often quash kids’ natural instinct in fear and tell them not to talk with strangers when known adults are not present.

As people grow toward adulthood and beyond, that often becomes a challenge, and not just for introverts. It then has to become a learned or relearned skill. With isolation and remote work during the pandemic, many individuals found they have lost the art of verbal connection. And those that enter the world of work now, or move on where they don’t know their co-workers, feel at a loss to make the necessary or desirable networking connections.

Clearly there are greater obstacles now than their parents and mid-lifers experienced in the formative years of Gen X and even Millennials. Combined with emotional blocks, people may be waiting for permission to reach out. They wonder who should start the conversation? They may lack physical space fat work for meaningful conversation. They may fear conflict or inadvertent micro-aggressions given heightened DEI sensitivities. It’s often necessary to be very deliberate with no “water cooler’’ chance meetings and gossipy chat.

Given the need to seek new jobs or multi-generational teams being reconstituted to meet new needs, positioning oneself for meaningful inter-generational conversation may take greater effort than ever. And you may be out of practice, even if you spend hours every day on Zoom calls. Working from home or in hybrid situations, there has been  a lot of fear and resistance to meeting people in person. This is especially true in highly structured, hierarchical organizations.

As a facilitator of cross-generational conversation at work, and having written a book a few years ago about that, fortunately I don’t suffer from forgetting how to talk with people. I offer some tips from my experience, the book and other experts to jumpstart and maximize your results:

• Exercise your curiosity muscle. Curiosity is one of the essential skill/traits for success you can’t learn or acquire on the internet that we explore through the lens of five generations in my book, You Can’t Google It. Start with learning to ask good questions in order to open people up and build rapport. Prepare current affairs, non-imposing personal and small talk questions in advance.
• Work on your storytelling skills. And encourage your “conversation partner” to tell you stories that will convey experience you’d like to learn about, to reveal what matters, unwritten rules and expectations in an organization’s culture. I am thrilled how much I learn from people I mentor who come from different backgrounds, even on a first meeting.
• Get comfortable with showing vulnerability and emotion. It is a strength, not a weakness. It builds bonds and has become a desirable way of showing up. Don’t be afraid to appear awkward. Admit it. It actually builds mutual comfort.
• Observe boundaries, be ethical, non-manipulative, trustworthy. People will be drawn to you and make conversation easier.
• Offer your experience or story first when asking to learn from others. Look for commonalities and build on them.
• Be positive and pleasant to be around. Exhibit energy and interest in newly introduced ­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­ ideas – even those that may conflict with your vision and values. Be a continual learner.

Reaching out gets easier with practice. I confess that I love meeting new people and networking. Though I am an extrovert,  walking into a room of strangers wasn’t always easy until I got the hang of it.

How will it pay off? A number of studies attempting to measure the ROI have found that the ROE – return on Engagement, Emotion, Experience, Empathy – also pays off in financial terms for companies that focus consistently on ROE.

Call to Action: Make a regular habit of conversations to get to know both co-workers and strangers in networking an integral part of organizational culture. Let me know (at pwhaserot@pdcounsel.com or on http://www.youcantgoogleit.com ) how you see the experience changes individuals, teams and organizations.