Are YOU Addicted to Being Right?
by Deborah Goldstein, Founder Driven Professionals
Ask yourself these questions to gauge where you are on the “Addicted to Being Right Spectrum”. For personal reference, give yourself a rating of 1 to 5 for each question, where 1 equals a resounding “No, that’s most definitely not me” and 5 equals “Wow! That question was composed with me in mind!”:
Take the addiicted to being right quiz
-Does your idea of listening consist of waiting until the other person stops talking so you can say what’s on your mind?
-Do you put pressure on yourself to walk into situations with all the answers because of your title?
-Do you find yourself arguing with colleagues for the sake of arguing, with no particular point to be made, and can’t seem to back down?
-Do you often find yourself absolutely certain of an answer or path ahead, only to discover later that you were totally off-base?
-In today’s contentious political climate, do you quickly judge someone negatively for being of the opposite political persuasion?
Taking the challenge to relax your own tendency towards being right is an admirable aspiration. The re-lease to this need is to employ and enjoy perspective and curiosity. Of course, this all starts with self-awareness, which, as I often admit, is easy to recommend but difficult to embody. I encourage you to try it nonetheless, for this release opens those “blackout shades” you’ve been accustomed to living behind, revealing to you a fascinating and gratifying world.
It’s In Our DNA!
In high-stress situations, the amygdala (our instinctive brain) takes over and creates the “fight or flight” response. Judith E Glaser explains why so many choose to fight:
“When you argue and win, your brain floods with different hormones— adrenaline and dopamine, which makes you feel good, dominant, even invincible.”
You and I have been encouraged to let this happen to us in the business realm. This “dog-eat-dog-world attitude” is old-school management— what we used to think of as good leadership. It’s what Judith E Glaser tagged the “Tell-Sell-Yell Syndrome”:
“Tell them once, try to sell them on the reason you’re right, then yell! When we’re in this posture, we are seeking to gain power over others, and that brain progression doesn’t allow for seeing another’s point of view.”
Plus, this approach does nothing to entice the other to see your point of view! They close down with each advancement of your desperation to be heard and understood. It’s a self-perpetuating cycle that gets you nowhere but frustrated, discouraged, and occasionally defensive and angry! The cost is a negative outlook and overload of judgment, and can start that primitive part of the brain working overtime! It also continues to trigger to need to be right. And we don’t even realize we’re doing it!
Over the next two articles, we’ll look at each of the scenarios mentioned above, with the goal of raising your awareness and then recognizing how to release your impulse, tendency or unconscious inclination to always be right. But to prepare, practice some self-compassion and recognize that this impulse is instinctual and happens to all of us. It’s just how we’re programmed!
If you enjoy what you’re reading and are considering living life more fully, schedule a complimentary consultative session with DRIVEN HERE.
Deborah Goldstein is the founder of the Driven Professionals, a community driven to support the health, well-being & success potential of NYC professionals. Deborah is also the founder of Goldie’s Table Matters, providing education and entertainment to both corporate and private clients nationwide.FacebookTwittergoogle_plusPinterestEmailShare