Are You a Good Conversationalist
Are you a good conversationalist?
In school, no one ever receives a grade on conversational ability. And yet many careers require the skill of being able to converse memorably with others. Executives, diplomats, commentators, facilitators, fundraisers, therapists, and teachers all must have the capacity for effective conversational give and take.
Do you consider yourself good at drawing others out and getting to know people on a deeper level? Do you look forward to engaging in substantive conversations to deepen relationships? Have you been told that others enjoy spending time talking with you?
If yes to all three, you are a master of the art of conversation. Congratulations!
The difference between a good communicator and a good conversationalist
We are all accustomed to the phrase “good communication skills”. Those three words appear as requirements in job postings and position descriptions. And resumes are incomplete without a reference to a candidate’s written and oral communication skills.
But does the ability to be a good communicator equate to being a good conversationalist? Sometimes, yes. But not always!
Here’s how they differ: A good communicator talks TO YOU in a compelling way. A good conversationalist talks WITH YOU in a meaningful way.
A good communicator can:
- Put thoughts into words, both written and spoken.
- Explain an idea with clarity and ease.
- Make a persuasive pitch.
- Motivate or inspire a listener.
A good conversationalist will:
- Focus on getting you to talk.
- Make you feel comfortable.
- Keep the conversation by asking you
- Look at things from your
Excellent communicators are not always excellent at one-on-one conversation. And excellent conversationalists may not be excellent at communicating with more than one person at a time.
Which individual do you believe makes more intimate connections? The communicator or the conversationalist?
Let’s look at what occurs when great conversationalists engage you.
What happens when you have a fascinating conversation
Ever found yourself in a conversation that you didn’t want to end? Met someone who wowed you, only to reflect back and realize you did all the talking?!
What happened?
A great conversationalist engaged you. And a connection was formed. And that felt special to you, as opposed to a conversation that was one-sided or superficial and that you couldn’t wait to exit.
Stephen Covey said it well: “The biggest communication problem is that we do not listen to understand.”
It’s impossible to form and keep meaningful connections without having meaningful conversations. The byproduct of an engrossing conversation is a connection.
Think of a good conversation as the fuel that keeps a relationship moving forward.
Top five ways to be a world-class conversationalist
- Learn to be present. Be fully in the conversation, not thinking about something else, or distracted by what is going on around you.
- Give total attention to what the other person is saying. Don’t be ready to jump in with your response. You can’t know what it should be, until you hear what’s said to you.
- Ask questions. Dig deeper. Pay attention to what isn’t being said.
- Be relatable. Find common ground. Even if it is not immediately obvious, we’re human. It’s there.
- Be vulnerable. Resist playing it close to the vest. Instead, be willing to share your thoughts and your feelings. Your conversation partner needs to know you too.
Here’s to enriching conversations and the connections that develop from them. I can’t wait to hear about your success. Write to me at Ann@AnnLouden.com.
A seasoned executive in the nonprofit world, Ann Louden is the founder and CEO of Ann Louden Strategy and Consulting. Recognized for her expertise in fund raising, high profile special events, and campaign planning, Ann provides counsel to chief executives, staff, and volunteer leadership.
Ann’s primary interest areas are education, health care for women and children, the arts, and adoption. As a cancer survivor, she led and was the twelve-year spokesperson for a breast cancer advocacy initiative that engaged thousands of survivors, volunteers and medical providers. With a mantra of bringing big ideas to life, Ann focuses on identifying a compelling vision and creating a goals-oriented plan for execution.
An in-demand national speaker for the Council for Advancement and Support of Education, Ann is the recipient of the Steuben Excellence in Teaching Award and has been named as a CASE Laureate. She is the author of the upcoming book: From Social Courage to Connection: Lessons from Leaders Who Change and Save Lives.
You can find her at www.AnnLouden.com.
