Does This Time of Year Overwhelm You?
While most of us profess a love for the holidays – beginning with Thanksgiving and continuing through the New Year’s celebrations – there are just as many people who feel the season is synonymous with stress.
From extra tasks such as menu preparation, food shopping, meal preparation, hosting duties, house decorating, gift-buying, and travel arrangements, the time we usually devote to working, family responsibilities, and managing daily life has a way of getting replaced with holiday duties. Add to that the even bigger emotional pressures of navigating who goes where for which holidays, confronting unpleasant family dynamics, or playing negotiator or peacemaker, it’s no wonder we may be anxious or overwhelmed.
In addition, the holidays always bring increased solicitations for helping others in distress, and a more acute awareness that our relatively good fortune is not shared by many in our own communities, our country, and around the world.
What if we weren’t equipped to handle all of this stress?
Never before in history have we been subjected to so much coming at us so quickly. Think about it. Just 20 years ago, social media, as we know it today, became “a thing”. The boom was exacerbated by our ability to access apps on our cell phones, not a reality until 2008. Before then, we could mostly avoid experiencing crises in real time. Word traveled more slowly. We didn’t feel constantly bombarded. And we could enjoy going through life without constant jolts of adrenaline from the news of the day.
Fast forward just 16 years, and we have 24/7 access to information. Every troubling development we could possibly imagine — from health threats, to natural disasters, to airplane crashes, to victims of scams, to gun violence, to threatening activities of bad actor enemy countries – competes for our attention. Our cortisol levels stay at a constant elevated state of alarm. (My blood pressure is rising just writing these words!).
In an article written by American author Nadia Bolz-Weber, she offers a unique perspective on how to realistically understand our capacity to engage:
“If you can’t take it anymore, there’s a reason”, she explains. “The human heart and spirit were developed to be able to hold, feel and respond to any tragedy, injustice, sorry or natural disaster that was happening in OUR VILLAGE.”
It’s okay to say no when you can’t respond to an event or circumstance that’s beyond your reach. It’s okay to establish boundaries of when and where you will give your time, energy and money. It’s okay to put out your own fires.
Four ways to have a great Thanksgiving this year
- Don’t feel guilty about saying no. Know how to recognize what’s yours to do, and what’s yours NOT to do. Draw the lines wherever they makes sense to you.
- Ask for help where you need it. I love Conan O’Brien’s quote because it speaks to a universal truth. Sometimes we may think we are helping, when we are only commenting. Hand out tasks. Be specific. See who steps up.
- Recognize you don’t have to fix every situation. As Nadia Bolz-Weber says: “My effectiveness in the world cannot extend to every worthy ‘to be cared about’ event and situation. It’s not an issue of values, it’s an issue of MATH.” You can’t be all things to all people. Don’t make Thanksgiving the sword you fall on.
- Remember you have to replenish your bucket first, before you can fill others’ needs. If you haven’t gotten enough sleep, don’t feel well, are pushing yourself too hard, or generally not in a holiday frame of mind, you won’t enjoy time with family and friends. Take inventory of where your psyche is this year and adjust your holiday planning accordingly.
My Thanksgiving wish for you and those you love is to give and receive grace. You’ll need to give it to yourself first, before you can extend it to others.
Here’s hoping you have an enriching, gratitude-filled day with family and friends by setting your expectations appropriately. Write to me at ann@annlouden.com and let me know how it goes.
You’ll reap enormous benefits in good mental health, new opportunities, and friendships. I can’t wait to hear how it goes for you. Write to me and share your stories at Ann@AnnLouden.com.
A seasoned executive in the nonprofit world, Ann Louden is the founder and CEO of Ann Louden Strategy and Consulting. Recognized for her expertise in fund raising, high profile special events, and campaign planning, Ann provides counsel to chief executives, staff, and volunteer leadership.
Ann’s primary interest areas are education, health care for women and children, the arts, and adoption. As a cancer survivor, she led and was the twelve-year spokesperson for a breast cancer advocacy initiative that engaged thousands of survivors, volunteers and medical providers. With a mantra of bringing big ideas to life, Ann focuses on identifying a compelling vision and creating a goals-oriented plan for execution.
An in-demand national speaker for the Council for Advancement and Support of Education, Ann is the recipient of the Steuben Excellence in Teaching Award and has been named as a CASE Laureate. She is the author of the upcoming book: From Social Courage to Connection: Lessons from Leaders Who Change and Save Lives.
You can find her at www.AnnLouden.com.
