I received an email offering me an upcoming session with a zoom image consultant discussing styling techniques to look my very best on Zoom by becoming ‘Zoomified.’ I do spend loads more time Zooming than face-to-face. When the University I teach at went all online March 10, 2020, I had no idea I would still be here closing in on the end of the year. In fact, I am working more hours online now than ever before.

But how do I look online? Do I need someone to help me adjust my lighting? What color(s) should I be wearing? What’s the angle of my camera really saying? Let’s not even consider my backdrop, a beautiful Chinese screen above piles and piles of papers not very well covered up by a blue and white quilt I’ve had for a gazillion years.

The stylist wants to help me feel stunning, polished and professional. That’s difficult wearing sweats and my favorite gray T-shirt. I throw on some lipstick since I’m not masked online, spray my hair with water since it is curly, and adjust the camera so that no one can see I’m not wearing a brassiere, which I just read is not recommended. Support is imperative and important, but so terribly uncomfortable.

 I wonder if the fashion consultant could help me resolve my biggest dilemma. I miss wearing earrings. They get caught in my mask(s) so I stopped wearing them, but I really do miss them. This is definitely a new experience for me. I do not think I have ever been aware before of how much my earrings matter to me. They set off my face, nicely. In fact, they give people something to look at beyond just me and my face. I have a few pairs from my parents which I love the best. My father was a jeweler and my mother Ruthie and I had our ears pierced at the same time in honor of my Sweet Sixteen. I particularly like the subtly engraved and designed very large half circles which I cannot possibly wear with a mask, but can wear online.

I miss wearing lipstick. There’s no point in wearing lipstick under a mask. I need to wear a clear mask in one of the classes I teach for a hearing impaired student who reads lips. That day I cannot wear any makeup because I do not want to smudge his view or understanding of the course content.   

I’ve saved a lot of money not wearing makeup. I haven’t had my hair cut since March. I did run to the hairdresser I only go to for color in September the minute she reopened. She also massaged my forehead and scalp with lavender oil. Now that was totally worth the trip. I’m due to return to her soon. I can of like my new look with so much hair. I wonder what the image consultant would think?

I also treated myself, only once last month, to a mani-pedi. The red on my toes and blue on my fingernails are all gone. Life is simplified and repeated. It’s easier living on tuna fish and gluten free crackers, with a few salmon croquettes thrown in, rather than putting on real clothes, looking presentable, and going to the grocery store. Nothing is the same during a pandemic.   I think I’d be way too much of a challenge at this point for any Zoom Image Consultant. She’d take one look at me and triple her price or run the other way. However, becoming a Zoom Image Consultant is an interesting new field to consider. Hmmm. Maybe I’d be good at that?