How Reflecting Backwards Clarifies the Value of Connections
Has a colleague, friend, or family member shared a story of achievement without mentioning anyone else who contributed to that success? Sure! It occurs all the time. Do these examples sound familiar?
“I got the job.”
“I landed a promotion.”
“I aced the presentation.”
“I found the perfect new place to live.”
“I made it happen!”
While it’s true that we are 100% responsible for taking an initiative, managing our lives and responsibilities, and activating what comes next, there is almost always someone else on the sidelines, or in the background, who played an important role.
When I think back about the biggest events of my life, I don’t have to do much digging to recall who was instrumental in those moments. And my reflection about those experiences is eye-opening, reminding me that the people I was connected to at those times made a substantial contribution to my life.
Your “Big Life Events” Where Connections Played a Pivotal Role
Just for fun, make a list of the biggest events in your life:
- Where you went to school
- What jobs you were offered
- Where you decided to live
- Who you chose for a relationship
- What career moves you made
- How you managed a health crisis
- How you weathered a relationship crisis
…And so many other big events
Now, write down the names of as many people as you can recall who contributed to the choices you made. These connections who aided, abetted, influenced, persuaded, and supported you at that time in your life no doubt influenced what happened next for you.
And for many big life events, there isn’t just one connection who plays an integral role. Think about it! Throughout your life, you could have had multiple connections on whom you relied to get you from point A to point B.
How to Evaluate Positive vs. Negative Connections
If we are honest with ourselves about whether our cumulative lifetime connections have had a positive or negative impact, we likely would admit to both. I confess to having periods of my life in which I have spent time with people who limited my growth, discouraged my dreams, or passed judgment on my creativity.
In our gut, we know the difference. Reid Hoffman, co-founder of LinkedIn, explains it this way: “The network you have today will influence the opportunities you have tomorrow.”
The more positive the quality of our connections are, the more likely those connections will help pave the way for our success. The more negative connections we latch onto, the narrower our world can become, and the less we can see limitless possibilities for our future.
In summary: There is a direct correlation between the connections we make, and the opportunities we get!
Three Ways Connections Shape Our Lives
Positive connections offer so many benefits. Among them are: 1) giving us objective sounding boards, 2) providing introductions, and 3) helping us value ourselves.
Ellen DeGeneres offers this thought about the role of relationships in self-discovery: “Sometimes you can’t see yourself clearly until you see yourself through the eyes of others.”
Looking back over our lives, we come to appreciate how having authentic and genuine connections have opened all kinds of doors. I would love to hear from you about the meaningful connections which revealed their importance to you in hindsight, and for which you are grateful. Write to me at Ann@AnnLouden.com.
A seasoned executive in the nonprofit world, Ann Louden is the founder and CEO of Ann Louden Strategy and Consulting. Recognized for her expertise in fund raising, high profile special events, and campaign planning, Ann provides counsel to chief executives, staff, and volunteer leadership.
Ann’s primary interest areas are education, health care for women and children, the arts, and adoption. As a cancer survivor, she led and was the twelve-year spokesperson for a breast cancer advocacy initiative that engaged thousands of survivors, volunteers and medical providers. With a mantra of bringing big ideas to life, Ann focuses on identifying a compelling vision and creating a goals-oriented plan for execution.
An in-demand national speaker for the Council for Advancement and Support of Education, Ann is the recipient of the Steuben Excellence in Teaching Award and has been named as a CASE Laureate. She is the author of the upcoming book: From Social Courage to Connection: Lessons from Leaders Who Change and Save Lives.
You can find her at www.AnnLouden.com.
