How To Create A More Authentic Relationship

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Editor’s Note:  Meet Cheryl Lazarus at the 3T Renewal Summit. She’ll be on a panel, “Identifying Mr. Wrong to Get to Mr. Right.”


In both my coaching practice and personally, I’m an advocate for staying true to oneself while remaining open, compassionate and understanding with others. I also believe that this creates the foundation for long lasting, healthy relationships.

Here are 3 important principles that I share with my clients and also teach them how to accomplish:

  1. Communicate rather than withhold

Communication takes courage, especially when you feel upset, guilty or angry. When we withhold, it builds up resentment and anger which often comes out in unattractive unexpected way. It also creates distance between ourselves and the other.

Take time to discharge your emotions in a safe place and then when you are ready: have a neutral positive conversation with the other person. There is a powerful yet compassionate method for communicating which can allow you to express your experience without judgement or blame. Therefore, the other person can really hear what you are saying and what you need from them.

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  1. Be Authentically Yourself

If you mold yourself to another’s expectations and/or for their approval, then you lose the vital essence of who you are. The relationship is being built upon a false structure.

A false persona which will eventually give way to “who you really are.”  So why waste their time and yours.

When you are being true to yourself then you are able to build an authentic connection…are able to freely express yourself and be appreciated for who you truly are. It doesn’t get better than that!!

  1. Be Accountable for Your Actions

 When you are accountable for your actions this means that you recognize your part of an interaction. This is especially important during a disagreement because there are always at least 2 people in an experience…even if our part is only 2%.

When we can see our part, “own it”, and express it to a partner, then it takes the blame out of the situation.  This gives permission for the other person to also admit their contribution to the situation as well.

This also helps us to clear up any miscommunications or overreactions so that we can establish connection and closeness again.

Of course, when we can be compassionate with ourselves and our partners, then we can learn from our mistakes, gain any new skills that are needed, and create a plan for better choices next time.

Be sure to sign up for your complementary coaching strategy session and explore your next steps in your love and relationship journey.

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