In my dating coaching business, I am often asked by clients if I think they are ready to date again. My answer is always the same: “Only you will know whether it’s right to start dating at this time in your life. I can give you the tools to assess where you are. But ultimately, it’s your decision.”

While the specific circumstances of each of my clients are different, some wait years to consider dating. Others are more open to re-entering the dating world after a shorter time following a divorce or death of a spouse. For everyone, it’s a deeply personal decision.

My Dating After Divorce Experience

When I divorced after close to 25 years of marriage, I didn’t take the idea of dating again seriously until friends encouraged me to pursue “dating light”. What does that mean, I asked?

“Don’t feel it’s a lifetime commitment you’re making,” they counseled. “Just try it!”

In heeding their advice, I went out with more men than double the number of years I was married. Those experiences yielded the funny and surprising stories I share in my book “Mom…You Just Need to Get Laid: The Adventures of Dating After Divorce”. Written under the pen name Kate Somerset, the book features 15 true tales, built on a foundation of my real-life text chains with the men I chose to feature.

Did dating again make me happy? Absolutely! Did I have valid reasons why I said yes to the opportunity? Of course. Here’s hoping that sharing them with you will guide you towards deciding what’s right for you.

Two Ways to Consider How You Could Be Ready

As we weigh whether to date again, two voices compete for our attention:

• What we think intellectually – what our head says
• How we feel emotionally –what our heart says

Only by giving these two points of view equal attention can we effectively evaluate if it’s time to jump into the deep end of the dating pool. In part one, we explore the intellectual reasons.

Five Intellectual Reasons to Support Dating Again

Intellectual readiness is about having a logical framework, understanding what you want, and recognizing the time could be right based on your reflections and circumstances.

Here are five reasons why dating again could work for you:

1. You have the time and the personal autonomy. Committing to dating means you’ll want to free up time to be available for text, phone and in-person connecting. If you have children at home, a demanding job, or caregiving responsibilities, you may find the experience more challenging. If, on the other hand, your time is your own, you will enjoy dating without guilt or added stress.
2. You have reflected on, and learned from, your past relationships. It’s best not to enter dating with unfinished business. Translated, your previous relationships need to be over and far enough in the distant past, that the lessons learned help you clearly chart why you want to date, and what you are seeking in a new relationship.

1. You know what you offer. Just as with a professional resume, your dating resume will describe what you bring to the table. In Sharon Stone’s quote, she admits to stretching the truth “just a little”. If you don’t know how to talk about what you offer, ask your friends for a dispassionate list of your best qualities.
2. You’ve set boundaries and expectations: You’ve thought carefully about what you want and don’t want in a partner, what behaviors you’ll accept, and what you won’t. You believe in your ability to objectively see patterns and evaluate dates on impartially.
3. You see companionship in your future as opposed to going it alone.  You have a preference for a romantic, intimate and committed relationship vs. a solo lifestyle.

In December, we will explore the emotional reasons why you might be ready to date again. And remember, it’s not an all-or-nothing proposition. You can enter back into the dating world and discover it’s not for you. Or, you may find you are having the time of your life and wish you had started sooner! Share your experiences with me at Kate@KateSomerset.com