In December, we explored the first part of this month’s topic on how to determine when you are ready to date again. Deciding to let down your guard and re-enter the dating pool is no small decision. It almost always creates angst, and for some, sheer terror!

We all have anxiety not only about the process, but also how we will feel about dating.

As we discussed in part one, there are two factors we consider when deciding to date again:

• Does it intellectually makes sense? (the head decision)
• Am I going to be able to handle it emotionally? (the heart decision)

Of the two, I think passing the emotional test is the hardest. Why? Because as much as we may intellectually understand that we are ready, we can’t always predict what reactions we will have to the experience.

DO YOU HAVE THE EMOTIONAL READINESS TO DATE?

You may not know exactly how you’ll respond when you re-engage your emotions (always required in dating!) until it happens. But you can ask yourself the following questions to get a head start:

• Am I excited about the possibilities, rather than worried or discouraged?
• Am I open to meeting new people and relating to them on their terms?
• Am I willing to invest energy in building new relationships?
• Am I secure enough within myself that I can handle rejection?

Answering these four questions honestly — and perhaps with the help of an objective third party — will help you assess if you are ready and willing to embrace whatever dating may bring.

When I decided to date again after a long marriage and divorce, my dating agenda was to have fun and meet new people. I wasn’t looking for romance (although I found it!), so it reduced the stakes. My attitude was that if it worked, it worked. And if it didn’t, it didn’t.

That approach made me less stressed, less invested in one person over another, and certainly less needy or clingy. When I did meet the man I ultimately ended up with, he felt no pressure and neither did I. We were able to make sure it was right for both of us.

SEVEN SIGNS YOU ARE EMOTIONALLY PREPARED TO DATE AGAIN:

Emotional preparation comes from your emotional state and how you feel about your own well-being. Here are signs that may indicate you’re ready:

1. You feel emotionally stable and secure: You’ve processed your emotions around the life circumstances that got you to this moment, and you feel like you are in a healthy emotional place. (You may need therapy to get you to that place, and that’s ok.)
2. You’ve let go of anger or resentment: You think less about the past and more about the future. When you do reflect on the past, you can do so without feelings of bitterness, anger, or lingering sadness taking over.
3. You feel good about yourself: You have a solid sense of self-worth and self-confidence. You enjoy your own company and feel comfortable being single, and you aren’t obsessed with finding someone to “complete” you.
4. You’ve taken time to rediscover yourself: You know what your talents, skills, and interests are. You’ve reconnected with your passions and are pursuing them. And you have a clear sense and appreciation of your own identity.
5. You are curious about who’s out there. You are genuinely interested in meeting people and forming new connections—without expecting or needing them to replace anything in your past. The authentic you wants to get to know the people you’ll meet.
6. You have clear expectations: You know what you want from dating, whether it’s a casual companionship, a serious relationship, or something in between. Being honest with yourself and your potential partners will make the process so much smoother.
7. You are resilient and open to managing the risk. You know you can be vulnerable, and you welcome vulnerability in others. When things don’t work out, you have the strength and coping skills to handle it…and the same when things DO work out!

DATE WHEN YOU ARE READY!

Don’t let anyone tell you it’s time to date. You decide. And remember that your head and your heart may not align perfectly. Sometimes, your heart might be ready, while your head still has doubts, or vice versa. Checking in with both your emotions and your intellect can help you decide when it’s the right time for you.

Good luck and let me know how it’s going at Kate@KateSomerset.com!