A young woman in a bed is giving thumbs up

When it comes to sex, we talk about it.  We argue about it.  We cry about it.  We read about it, joke about it, listen to music about it and many view sexually explicit movies and television programs.  So with all of this exposure, one might come to the erroneous conclusion that Americans are enjoying sexually satisfying relationships.  Unfortunately, despite what the media may have us believe, this is not the case.

Findings from the Pittsburgh’s Western Psychiatric Institute Study

• 50 % of women had difficulty becoming aroused.
• 46 % said that they had difficulty experiencing orgasm
• 15% were unable to reach orgasm under any circumstances.

Among the men, 10% admitted to difficulty achieving and maintaining an    erection and over 33% had problems with premature ejaculation.

And in men between the ages of 40-70 the erectile statistic soars to 52%, which translated to an estimated 20-30 million men who can’t get the erections they want.

So what is the problem?  Little knowledge and poor or non- existent communication.

Here are the issues that must be resolved BEFORE you’ll be able to put the sizzle in your sex life

We all need to be in a good place psychologically and emotionally. Issues including depression, anxiety and other psychiatric disorders need to be acknowledged, addressed and resolved , as best as one can.  It’s hard to feel sexy if you are feeling depressed and anxious.

Our relationships with our significant other must be healthy.  We need to feel   loved, admired, respected and cherished.  The majority of women are not eager to hop into bed and have sex when they are feeling angry, frustrated, disconnected and disappointed with their partners.

SKELETONS in the CLOSET. Early child sexual abuse, rape, drug and alcohol problems and the false belief that  “good girls don’t” all contribute to problems in the bedroom.  So ACKNOWLEGE, ADDRESS and RESOLVE issues that are getting in the way of your life, your relationship and your sex life.

SIDE EFFECTS from your prescription medications. Many medications, including blood pressure medication, heart medications, drugs for diabetes and even psychiatric medications frequently have sexual side effects.  So talk to your doctor.  A change of medication or dose can make all the difference in the world.  So don’t hesitate to speak with your doctor.

MEDICAL PROBLEMS can and do interfere with one’s sexual desire and performance.  Even if it’s not possible to have intercourse, it is always possible to hug and cuddle so as to maintain physical closeness.  And you never know what might happen.

MENOPAUSE AND HORMONES.  Men also at different stages in their lives require a boost of testosterone. And women too need to have their hormone levels checked and may need estrogen or progesterone.  It’s really important to speak with your doctor about your sex life or lack of.

ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION. We need to find out what is causing erectile dysfunction.  Issues including nerve damage, blocked vessels, damage to the penis, prescription medications, drugs or alcohol need to be ruled out.  A urological work-up is always first recommended in order to rule out anything medical.

Treatments including: Viagra, Levitra, Cialis, alprostadil self-injection therapy, testosterone replacement, vacuum erection device, suppositories, penile imlants and cock rings can all help.   Individual and couples sex therapy can also be helpful. 

So what do men and women want from each other?

Women want and need EMOTIONAL FOREPLAY—without having to nag. FLOWERS or a SPECIAL GIFT (when it’s not her birthday or anniversary makes us feel special and cherished.  In short, we want ATTENTION!

However EMOTIONAL FOREPLAY is not sufficient in itself in arousing a woman sexually.  Unlike men, the majority of women need a considerable amount of foreplay (about 15 to 20 minutes of touching, hugging, kissing, and manual and oral stimulation before becoming fully aroused and ready for intercourse.

For men, their sexual response is to a large degree related to the directed by visual and direct manual and oral stimulation.  Believe it or not, men don’t ALWAYS have sex on the brain.  They too want to be loved, admired, and respected.  They want a partner to comfort them and listen to them.  And no, they don’t always want to be in control.  It’s a burden.

And finally, don’t be afraid to try vibrators, lubricants, and pornography, as long as you and your partner are comfortable and willing to experiment.

As the Nike commercial suggests—JUST DO IT! It’s amazing what can happen.