Editor’s Note: If you’ve ever thought about living abroad, we’re excited to introduce you to our newest contributor Lisa La Valle, an American who has been living abroad for several years – first in Paris and now in Italy. Lisa is a “culture shock preventionist”. A leading international culture and expatriate consultant known as the Expat Whisperer.

One of the challenges for an expat in Italy where I now live as a dual citizen or anywhere, is developing and nurturing a support network by creating meaningful relationships and understanding the circle of friendships. A trusted circle begins with you at the center and from there, it radiates outward to family and then friends. While the desire to create a new life somewhere else is a motivating dream, a carefully planned and thought-out choice, but the reality of daily living and building out meaningful relationships can be both exhilarating and disappointing.

Some countries and cultures are more conducive to creating relationships; others, not so much, so go easy on yourself. Not all cultures are easy to break through socially. In my experience, although I have no trouble making friends, some would say Paris or New York aren’t easy, but it wasn’t for me and that difficulty can be attributed to any large city. You may create solid friendships, even fiercely loyal ones, but that doesn’t mean you’ll be included in their existing social groups, occasions, or excursions, and that can feel confusing. There’s a protective ring around social circles, some of which are deeply rooted and nurtured for decades since childhood, so I take that into consideration and remind myself, it’s not personal when I get left out. People don’t mean to be thoughtless, it just hasn’t occurred to them that you may be spending a weekend or holiday alone. In fact, they may be thinking you’re okay and have plans.

Italy in particular, is a country and culture where friends and family are also deeply rooted and protected, but it feels warmer, and I feel more readily welcomed than Paris, where I previously lived for four years and for an expat, that’s huge. Think carefully about what size city makes sense for you. Whether you live in a small village or Milan, both can be riddled with the provincial-ness or anonymity inherent in those places. For me, a mid-size city like Brescia with nearly half a million people, conveniently nestled between Venice and Milan has become a surprisingly “golden middle”. Not too big that I get lost in the crowd nor so small that I feel under the spotlight.

In the last year or so, I’ve created a circle of familiar acquaintances around town, which makes the foreign feel more familiar but it’s the inner circle that needs attention; people I want to know and trust, but this takes time. Usually, these closer ties are created through work, which can be a lifesaving anchor of familiarity and routine that I’m working on. Although you may have a hard time reaching out because you don’t want to burden others, you’ll be surprised to learn that they are usually experiencing similar feelings and the act of mutual sharing is a reminder to both sides that you are not alone; remember, isolation is the enemy.

You may begin with getting to know only one or two people well and that’s plenty. It’s about the quality of time spent together over an aperitivo or coffee, really listening and building trust over quantity, yet on the other hand, be prepared for these relationships to change. People have had their own lives before you arrived and could very well be fraught with stress at work, family obligations (big in Italy) or personal struggles they may not always be capable of sharing with you. So don’t take it personally when this trusted inner circle weakens. Give it time and try to strengthen yourself with the relationships you relied on in your home country by reaching out to your longtime friends and family with video calls and texting to bridge those troughs. Also, be prepared to spend time alone with yourself with these uncomfortable feelings because you may not get the friendly support you want when you need it, and that’s okay because self-reliance is at the center of your superpower. Never underestimate yours.

Next month’s column: We explore dating when the language barrier can make having a romantic relationship difficult, but not impossible. Share your questions or concerns in the comment box below.