After infidelity, many couples struggle in rebuilding trust and intimacy. Jennifer Lehr shares tips on how to repair when trust is broken.

Jennifer Lehr speaks about rebuilding trust and intimacy after betrayal. She’s been helping couples build solid, connected and loving partnerships for nearly 20 years. Her three blogs are designed to help people improve their lives and relationships. She also writes and speaks about her relationship with her husband, from a difficult beginning to creating the beautiful relationship they have today.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

• How to define infidelity in these modern times
• Some ways people are emotionally unfaithful
• Why infidelity is so devastating
• The keys to rebuilding trust after betrayal

Rebuilding Trust and Intimacy After Betrayal

Tell us about the challenges you had with your second husband and how you overcame them.

I’m in my second marriage now. When I met my second husband, it was a hot and heavy start. After burning through the chemicals, we triggered each other. We had about a year of therapy, and I was writing WeConcile. My husband was editing it. We were able to talk about what was going on and linked our two different worlds instead of clashing. 

How do you define infidelity?

The dictionary defines it as unfaithfulness. That’s from many years ago. Now, I believe infidelity is being emotionally unfaithful, kept secret from your partner. 

What are some ways people are emotionally unfaithful?

Online in a chat room, a Facebook group, at work. When you’re doing things you don’t want your partner to know about that could hurt your partner.

Why is infidelity so devastating? 

We bond in relationships, and we need to know our partners are available and won’t abandon us. Our biological need to feel safe and secure is broken. You can’t be vulnerable if you can’t trust and feel safe.

Why does infidelity occur?

There’s always a reason. Something’s going on when you don’t have emotional connection with your partner. Are you aware you’re doing something that would hurt your partner?

In rebuilding trust and intimacy after betrayal, what’s required from the partner who cheated and the one cheated on?

The person who cheated has to have remorse. “I’m sorry I broke your heart. And my heart is breaking because I broke your heart.” It has to be sincere. Be willing to do whatever is required. 

The person who was cheated on wants to trust again and be able to eventually forgive.

What will be different about the relationship after infidelity? 

You will have a new relationship. You’ll both be much more aware of how connected you are. How responsive you are towards each other. You both have to grow and create a new relationship. It either breaks you apart or you heal and have a better relationship.