Releasing Expectations
I’m really good at letting things go. And then taking them back. And then letting them go again. You see the pattern.
The issue is that I THINK I have let it go, but all I’ve let go of is THINKING about it. I have not done the final step: Letting go of the expectation.
Let’s use a classic example: online dating. (I can hear my friends laughing and cringing at this one). I swear off it, then I hear someone has had good luck with it…and I’m back. When I’m “off”, I don’t look at the apps and I try not to think about them, sitting there, buried now at the back of the million apps on my phone. But I really have not given up on the expectation that all I need is that ONE person out there… It is not easy.
But here were not one, but TWO examples I had in a 24 hour period recently, of what can happen when I truly let go. Both happened in Martha’s Vineyard, a place that I consider magical, so I’ve already set the stage for letting something other than myself be in charge.
I was driving around the Vineyard, taking it all in, and telling myself I really do need to figure out a way to get a place there. At dinner that night, my friend and I happen to sit next to two other women, who proceed to tell us how they own a room at the former motel across the street. My brain goes into over-drive trying to figure out how I could do that too. Fortunately, on the drive back to the lovely Airbnb that I frequently stay at, I literally said aloud to myself, “Janet, let it go. You are here now and you will no doubt be back again. Just enjoy it.” And I exhaled deeply and felt a real sense of peace about it.
I walk into the house and proceed to go say goodbye to the host, as I was leaving early in the morning. We have a lovely conversation…and then she says, “Say, would you ever be interested in housesitting for me? I wouldn’t charge you to stay here.”
It took everything I had not to scream in amazement. Answer #1.
The next morning, I was planning out when I needed to get to the ferry. It also was coinciding with the time period in which the tickets to see Lin Manuel Miranda interview Meryl Streep in person following a showing of “The Devil Wears Prada” were going on sale. I REALLY wanted those tickets. I planned my timing down to the minute and figured out where I could park in order to get good wi-fi reception. At 9:00 on the dot I hit enter….and got the swirling “you ain’t going anywhere” sign. Not one to give up that easily, I tried again. And again. Eventually I got through…to the pronouncement that their website had crashed. And I had run out of time and needed to get to the ferry. Again, I let it go and said, well, if I’m supposed to go, something will happen. An exhale and peace.
I get in line for the ferry and hang out there for about 20 minutes. The thought occurs to me to try again. I have nothing to lose. It is now about 45 minutes after the site crashed and no doubt the tickets have been gobbled up by now. But, why not? So, I tried. And I got tickets. Answer #2.
The moral of the story: Let it go. Not just the thought about it. Not just the idea about it. Let go of the EXPECTATION of it ever happening. Exhale and be at peace knowing that the Universe delivers…if it’s the right thing at the right time for you. And if it’s not, choose to believe it’s all for your highest good. You just never know what else even better may be coming your way!
Janet Neal
Janet M. Neal is a Superbwoman and a “Reformed Superwoman” who has learned how to lead a “should free” productive, joyful, and powerful life, and believes all women can do the same. She is a coach, speaker, and author. Visit her website.
