Seven Habits of Expansive Giving for the Holidays and Life
All around the world, in different faiths and beliefs, December is the season of giving. Of course, the spirit of giving is one that can be expressed anytime, we don’t need to wait for a holiday.
Developing a deeper understanding of the power of Expansive Giving, is one way to take yourself to a higher level of awareness and increase your enjoyment of the holiday season.
Let me share with you seven habits of expansive giving.
- Give without keeping score. When we remove the tendency to “keep score,” it purifies our giving; and the person most blessed is the giver. An example might be a spouse who does something nice for their family, but at the end of the week, they want the act reciprocated or ask for someone else to take over the chore. Either way, it’s a form of keeping score.
- Give without expectation. We do not have the ability to control another person’s response—only our own. Sometimes, we have a hidden expectation of how someone may react to a gift. To uplevel our giving experience, we must detach ourselves from any expectation of response or how the gift will be received. Give for the sake of giving.
- Give attention. Many people’s love language is attention. It can feel so good to have someone’s undivided attention—to feel that they are truly present. This includes being a good listener; not just waiting quietly for our turn to talk. When listening, be curious and seek only to understand. Giving focused attention is a gift for others and for ourselves, so practice releasing distractions.
Research shows that over the past years, the number of times we check our cell phones each day has increased dramatically. Three years ago, we checked our phones an average of 80 times per day. Two years ago, this increased to 95 times daily, and now the average is 150 times each day.
Challenge yourself to not give in to the urge of constantly checking your device, even if it seems to be vying for your attention.
Children spell love T-I-M-E. When we give them our undivided attention they feel loved.
As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “The greatest gift is a portion of thyself.” Remember the gift of presence is more valuable than giving presents.
- Give compassion. To give compassion means to provide a “soft place to fall” in a relationship—including the relationship with yourself. When you notice yourself going to self-judgement, try to change that to compassion. What if you changed your inner critical voice to match how you might support your best friend? We also want to do this for others too.
- Give the benefit of the doubt. Rather than finding fault and being critical of others’ behavior, practice giving “the benefit of the doubt.” There may be a reason behind someone’s action that provides a perspective we cannot see on the surface.
Shortly after my son—my only child—died, I was in the grocery store feeling unbearable pain. I remember looking at other people and wondering who else might be walking around in pain, without anyone knowing. That day, I decided to always give others the benefit of the doubt. If someone bumps into me and doesn’t apologize or is rude, I remind myself that maybe their only child just died, and they can barely see through their grief. If a friend treats me in a way I don’t like or understand, I try to have compassion for how they may have been treated in the past, which might contribute to their current behavior.
Giving the benefit of the doubt is like giving compassion in advance of knowing their story.
- Give a true compliment. Some people give a compliment in order to get one in return, or they may tell someone they love them hoping they’ll say it back.
I was in Nordstrom recently ordering a pair of boots. I wanted the salesperson who had helped me to get credit for the sale, so I asked the gal at the register if she was okay with giving Ash the credit. She said, “Oh, I’m just the cashier.” I told her, “You’re not just the cashier, you’re the cashier.” She said, “You’re right. Thank you for helping me look at it differently and feel better about it.” Then she went on to tell me she had been in sales but liked being a cashier so much better.
There are always moments and small ways we can be more loving and complementary; and of course, in bigger ways, too.
- Give to live. The way you give is more important than what you give. Think of a time you gave, and it felt really good. You most likely gave without any expectation; you gave just for the pleasure of giving. Giving is a natural expression of love and Giving to Live is a way of expanding our hearts and elevating our vibration to be more in harmony with the frequency of abundance.
During this season, consider practicing the seven ways to give. I believe it will help you have a more joyful holiday.
I’d like to give you a gift.
I created this e-book to help people start their day on the right track. When we have a good day more of the time, that becomes a good week, and good weeks become good months, and good months become good years. To help you achieve that, I created Change Your Morning. Change Your Life.
Download here: https://www.cynhannah.com/morning-practice
I would love to hear your results after using this guide. You can email me here: cyn@cynhannah.com .
The tomato behind The Three Tomatoes.
Cheryl Benton, aka the “head tomato” is founder and publisher of The Three Tomatoes, a digital lifestyle magazine for “women who aren’t kids”. Having lived and worked for many years in New York City, the land of size zero twenty-somethings, she was truly starting to feel like an invisible woman. She created The Three Tomatoes just for the fun of it as the antidote for invisibility and sent it to 60 friends. Today she has thousands of friends and is chief cheerleader for smart, savvy women who want to live their lives fully at every age and every stage. She is the author of the novel, "Can You See Us Now?" and co-author of a humorous books of quips, "Martini Wisdom." Because she's lived a long time, her full bio won't fit here. If you want the "blah, blah, blah", read more. www.thethreetomatoes.com/about-the-head-tomato
