You’ve made the decision to date again. Good for you!

Whether you’ve been single a long time or just recently changed your relationship status, dipping your toe into the dating pool again is challenging. You hope for the experience to be stress-free, fun, and fingers crossed…romantic!

There are many things to think about when you make plans to go out with someone new: where to meet, what to talk about, what to wear. And once the date is over, there’s likely someone in your life who will ask you how it went.

Do you gravitate towards generalizations with your response?

• “Oh, it was great! I had a terrific time.”
• “It was okay, I guess.”
• “Not good. I wouldn’t go out with him”

What forms the basis for your opinions? Do you have a method to arrive at your evaluation, or are you relying on a gut feeling?

A first date report card

In my dating relationship coaching business, I have a client who created an excel spreadsheet to keep track of the people she dates. We arrived at the idea of creating her report card while refining the attributes she is looking for in the men she dates.  Although using such a tool may be overkill for some people, I am impressed at how well it works for her.

“Having a chart to fill in is a great reminder to pay attention to what I am looking for,” she explains. “I think back about each date and decide if what’s important to me was actually what I experienced!”

My client’s report card spreadsheet has three headings:

• Compatibility (lifestyle, values, goals)
• Personal traits (demeanor, attitude, appearance, personality)
• Dating competencies (planning, manners, being a good host)

8 questions to ask yourself after the date’s over:

To arrive at a thoughtful assessment of how your first date went, identify what questions to ask yourself. Here is what I believe are the most important ones to gauge compatibility, chemistry, and the potential for a second date:

• What really matters to him? Did what he talked about the most resonate with what also matters to you? Whether it was family, career, or something else, it will give you a clue to his priorities vs. your own.
• Do you share common interests? Do you have similar tastes? Do his goals for the future match or complement yours? You want to know if there is enough common ground to build an ongoing connection.
• What is his lifestyle? Did you get a sense of his routine or habits? How does he spend his free time, and what’s his work-life balance? If his lifestyle is completely different from yours, a big adjustment could be required for one or both of you.
• Did you feel chemistry? Were his appearance, manners, and personality appealing to you? Did you enjoy his company? If you feel excited to see him again, you know!
• What was his communication style? Was he attentive? Did he ask good questions and pay attention to your answers? If he listened, and the conversation flowed naturally, that’s a promising sign you are comfortable with each other.
• Is he emotionally available? How open was he about his past relationships, his feelings, and why he is dating? You’re hoping to get subtle clues about what he is looking for.
• How did he treat others? How did he interact with other people you encountered? Was he respectful or dismissive? His temperament is revealed in the way he related to the people around him, from the waitstaff to anyone else who was present.
•  How did you feel around him? Were you energized and impressed? Or was it awkward or uncomfortable? On a date, you want to feel respected and know you can be yourself.

Having your own report card could make it easier for you not only to remember what you want on a date, but also whether you’d like to move forward. I hope this approach works for you and would love your feedback at Kate@KateSomerset.com.