We’ve all done it in dating. Pretended we like something we don’t. Tried to second guess how we should answer a question to appear more knowledgeable. Not confessed how we really felt because we worried we wouldn’t make a good impression.

And we have also been the recipients of indirect communication from dates. We’ve been given vague answers or provided incomplete information. We become baffled and confused, and are ultimately unsure how to effectively connect with a person who hasn’t accurately played all his cards.

The good news is that most of the time it’s human nature – the fear of being judged or not liked — which drives people to be indirect. Rarely is it a purposeful plan to deceive.

Even so, the results are the same. When you are not upfront about how you feel, think, or what you want, at minimum, it’s an invitation for things to be misinterpreted, and at worst, go terribly wrong.

Even self-confident celebrities are guilty too!

There is a humorous side to what happens when we don’t tell the truth with dates. Here are examples from celebrities we think would know better:

• Amy Schumer: “I went home with this French guy because he said something adorable, like ‘I have an apartment.’ But if he had just been upfront, like ‘Hey, I want to make out with you because you’re hilarious,’ we could have skipped the crepes and saved a lot of time.”
• Conan O’Brien: “In dating, be direct. I once spent an entire date talking about my favorite movie Star Wars, only to find out she thought Harrison Ford’s character Han Solo was a dessert. Next time, I’ll just ask, ‘Do you like Star Wars?’ before I launch into my monologue.”
• Leslie Jones: “I’m not good at small talk. I’d rather be just like, ‘Hey, are we doing this or not?’ But once I tried to by coy and said, ‘I’d like to go with the flow.’ Next thing I know, we’re at a pottery class. Be clear, people!”
• Seth Rogen: “In high school, I told a girl I was into sports because she was. When she invited me to play basketball, I showed up in jeans and a polo shirt. She laughed so hard I thought she’d break a rib. Lesson learned: Be honest about your interests, or you might end up as the punchline.
• Jennifer Lawrence: I once told a guy I loved cooking gourmet meals. When he came over, I tried to make a fancy dish and nearly set my kitchen on fire. Next time, I’ll just suggest ordering in.”

Five easy ways to speak the truth:

1. Say “yes” to the things you want and “no” to the things you don’t. For example, “yes” I would like to go out with you again. “No”, I don’t really want to go camping.
2. Practice being direct yourself. It’s unfair to expect your date to be direct with you if you aren’t direct with him. Recognize that you could be part of the problem if you don’t show a man how to treat you.
3. Don’t wait to give feedback. For example, if your date is repeatedly late to meet you and you make no comment, he may well assume his behavior doesn’t bother you. Try saying: “I like to be on time. I hope you wanted to be punctual too. But I guess you had to slay a dragon first!”
4. Don’t keep rewarding bad behavior. If a date makes a habit of waiting to the last minute to ask you out, decline and say why. “I love spending time with you, but when you ask me at the last second, my dance card is sadly already full.”
5. Ask for what you want. If you want your date to pick you up, say so. If you want to spend your date doing something special that appeals to you, tell him. If you’d like to hear from him with details before going out, speak up.

Dating can be enjoyable and rewarding when we don’t have to play guessing games. Make it a practice to be honest with your dates, and expect the same courtesy extended to you. Taking this approach will lead you to the men with the best potential for a healthy relationship. Write to me about your success in being direct at Kate@KateSomerset.com.