Messages that sabotage our self-worth

It’s easy to hear that nagging voice in our head that seems to saying we are deficient, we don’t measure up, we can’t cut it.  Have you ever had a negative thought about yourself…and believed it?

Yes, we are all guilty as charged. Why? Because we are with ourselves 24/7. It’s impossible to ignore our own thoughts. Even when we are sleeping, our subconscious delivers those messages in the form of dreams.

So, where do our negative thoughts come from? They are a compilation of stored-up memories from experiences we interpreted as unsettling. Our scared child decided we were somehow “less than”, whether there was any logical reason or not.

Any of these phrases sound familiar?

“I am not smart enough to…”

“I give up. I just can’t learn to…”

“I don’t compare with…”

“I messed that up and now it will never be okay…”

“He/she doesn’t respect how I feel about…”

“I can’t make myself heard…”

“I don’t have the experience to…”

“They wouldn’t want me…”

Three Resources that Confident People Have

Given how easy it is to give ourselves negative messages, it takes at least an equal amount of positive energy to swing our emotional health in the opposite direction.

Take two people who have very similar life trajectories. They grow up with the same advantages, in the same geographic location, with the same educational experiences, the same career opportunities, and the same good health.

Yet one is a confident, optimistic person, eager to try new experiences. The other is a fearful, negative person, stuck in a rut.

What accounts for the difference between a person who is confident, and one who is not?

These are the game-changers that improve our self-confidence:

• Emotional support – can be provided by parents, teachers, neighbors, friends, lovers who are there when we need to share, to get feedback, to seek advice. The need for emotional support begins at birth. For us to be mentally healthy, the emotions we feel must be met. When we are scared, we need reassurance. When we are sad, we need sympathy. When we are worried, we need calming. When we are frightened, we need protecting. When we are lonely, we need someone to talk to.
• Positive self talk—is having logical, rational, drama-free thoughts in moments of doubt. Positive self talk is a learned skill that we get better at with practice and effort. The benefits to communicating well with ourselves are enormous. Positive vs. negative self talk elevates our thinking, and keep us from going down the rabbit hole of discouragement.
•  Connections who believe in you – may range from family, to peers, to employers, to friends and acquaintances. The people in your life who BELIEVE you can do anything, help YOU to believe you can do anything. Hearing the words “I am proud of you” is the most powerful of encouragements. All it takes is just one person who cares deeply about your well-being and whose opinion you value.

Safeguard your relationships with connectors who celebrate you!

As a child, the day I felt most celebrated was my birthday. There was a cake with candles, and maybe a party… and everyone was singing to me! Wow, I must be pretty special, I thought in the moment.

When we get older, we realize that people who celebrate us offer far more than a song. They give us a belief in ourselves.

I encourage you to take inventory of the connections you have who build you up and enhance your confidence. Embrace staying connected to the people who celebrate your self-worth, and let you know you matter. Because you do.

Share with me who believes in you at Ann@AnnLouden.com.